I was in one of those wonderful cheap as hell restaurants, I wasn't under the influence of drugs and I probably hadn't been spiked by the groups of old people sitting around tables eating their Sunday lunches discussing their knitting techniques. It first began when I could hear my heart beat in my wrist early on and I'm quite a stubborn person so I decided that I could handle it and didn't bring it to anyone's attention. It was probably going to subside and everything was going to be okay? No, Obviously not. And the feeling worsened and I began to feel some form of unusual aura... Still stubborn I thought I could handle it and attempted to distract myself by entertaining myself with some probably not moral jokes. Suddenly like a gong my sanity collapsed and I could hear everything around me echoing through my ears all at once. Footsteps of passers by, the clattering of cutlery, pots and pans in the kitchen, the sound of liquid running from the taps of the bar. I heard everyone's conversations. Sounds were smothering me, crawling up my body and wrapping themselves around my chest, my neck and my face. The world around me became fragmentations of an emotionally crippling instrumental. My vision was hazy as if someone had let out a smoke machine in the room, and my chest felt like it was enclosed in a concrete box. I couldn't take it, I couldn't concentrate and my eyes would fixate and blur on anything as I would desperately try to mentally climb out of this pool of hell I was drowning in. By this point I wanted to beg for help but meaningful words became almost impossible - I just couldn't. Every time I tried to ask for help my whole neck began beating like a drum. It pounded to stop me.
I felt trapped in a shell as if my body was no longer my own, my skin and my muscles became a prison. I was caged inside of it. I remember for a while my arm stopped existing, but it was still there and I couldn't comprehend why? Maybe it was someone else arm and I stole it? Or a false illusion of creation that just isn't. It's not there, my eyes are deceiving me. I've had experiences like this before but this was the worst because I remember every detail, every occurrence, every sound.
I was taken to Sainsbury's in some hope food would relieve me of my incoherence. By this point my vision had become sounds, I could hear every colour but the sounds were unrecognisable as if they don't have words to describe them. They were alien. "What sandwich do you want?" was trampling my mind as every colour was screaming at me, stampeding my head like a herd of animals fleeing an apocalypse. I needed to scream, I needed to run away I wanted to my body to combust instantly but it wasn't my body. I had such minimal control. Time became slow motion and the essence of the world elongated. I could still hear everything. I could heard the colours of my sandwich as I desperately tried to eat, the nearly whiteness of the bread, the grey tones in the chicken and the stuffing. Each tone carrying a different sound. Instantly I was completely past hungry, food repulsed me as it rippled sounds to my ears alongside the rest of the world engorging me from every direction. But I felt I needed to eat this because this wonderful person trying to help believed that it would do me some good, and what if it did? Not only that but I felt the expression on her face as if it was scratching deep into my skin, not just metaphorically but I really felt it. I felt like I could feel the worry as if she was touching me. The world was an overload of sounds and all I could produce was bullshit.
Is this epilepsy? What is that? What was this? What do I do?
Wow...this was such a read.
ReplyDeleteThank you. If you have any idea what it is feel free to let me know!
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